Ramble

Between July 5 to 9

"she confessed that she wanted me because of my loneliness, that she's never wanted anyone else who's so alone, so solitary, an anomie.

And I told her it wouldn't last, but that it wouldn't matter. If we were together, I would still be lonely, and alone. And that she would have to be distant, or else she wouldn't want me anymore. The only thing she loved of me would be gone."

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(Something I noticed when I looked outside)
There was a rain that washed away all the good people in the world.

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"While having sex, I noticed a strange tattoo of what seemed to be an uppercase letter "T" at the back of her upper thigh. It made me curious so I took her right leg over my left shoulder as I observed closer. And then the tattoo turned into a birthmark. And that's when I fell in love."

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I don't know the color of her hair. When she looked away, I stole a long stare. It seemed thick, and rough, but I want to bury my face in it.

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When I think about the future and imagine doing or having the things I want in the present, I always see chaos.

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Yes, the world is beautiful, but I'm not interested anymore.

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Death is a reward for the curious.

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It is impossible for anyone to understand, yet I am not lonely, being with someone in genuinely does not make sense to me. It contradicts everything I've ever believed in.

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"I loved the way she stripped off her clothes and run to the open garden with a hose; naked to the world, transparent to the sun. Her bronze skin glistening. There weren't any people to see, just us. And that's how she shared her beauty to me."

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To Trina: I would've loved you in any circumstance - blind, poor, mentally disabled - under a bridge, in the middle of the sea. As long as it is you with me, nothing else matters. That's how much I value my memories.