Tootsie

It rained tonight, though I only heard it hitting the steel ceiling I could see it slide swiftly down the wrinkles of the trees, the skin of leaves. Them dropping to the earth, I could smell the wet soil, and feel rebirth. And so I imagined myself in the point of view of my dog, whom I promised to walk around midnight. She obviously did not understand my promise yet it could be of possibility she understood what I meant when I looked into her eyes with the calmness of assurance. That expression I always use to stop her silent weeping. That sound that seems to be coming out of her nose, if not tear ducts...

When I went down to read next to her, she softly tried to get my attention by sitting next to me, and stare at my eyes and the sky alternately. But I couldn't push myself to walk her out in the wet streets, the best I could do at that moment was explore my hand all over her thick fur - as if it'll amount to the same consolation of meeting the world.

Later on she left my side just to sit and stare at the gate, probably wistfully dreaming the gate would just open up and give her the freedom of innocent joy.


Having a dog really taught me a lot. The loyalty she gave me is far more than any human being or emotion has offered. The way she becomes violent to strangers yet gentle around my nature fills me up with significance. A certain place of specialty - one any person would appreciate with their lover. The way she's appreciated little things, the taste of grass, the floating tissue paper, a single piece of dog biscuit, the unsounding visit of maya birds, the sound of children in the middle of the afternoon. I observe her sometimes, and I get attached to her behavior, to the way she treats the world - her being concerned with the existence of objects around her. She barks at a new dog because she didn't know it existed until then, she listens silently to the laugh of little kids and who knows, maybe she feels joy by doing so. The way she welcomes me home is never tiring. Having a dog has taught me a lot.

And then the barrier of language is met, but it didn't matter. It doesn't matter if my dog doesn't understand it when I tell her I love her because the word itself does not mean anything, plus the actions have spoken about the appreciation and loyalty of companionship itself - something I find better than any word of affection the society has invented. What does saying "I love you" do to the beloved anyway? Its a sin that gives false hope, an illusional word that steals a person's significance through the emotion of being loved. It doesn't matter if someone loves you or not, or if you love something or not.